The Sexuality Deception, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are brought in to incredibly difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, well-being, nearness, and love .

But when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that many of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a potential partner discover this info here is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay men desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While great sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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