The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).

B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to very hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, nearness, and well-being .

When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that much of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men especially in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay males desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

Nonetheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I click here for info do want to point out that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and Web Site it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!

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