The Intimacy Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and repercussions.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be excellent also).

B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts informative post on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful a fantastic read sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, well-being, and closeness .

When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states next page that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow in time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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